Earlier, I wrote about 10 of my favorite stories from our web site, divorce360.com. Since then, I've come across some additions to my list. So I share:
1. Credit Card Crunch Causes Divorce.
First it was the real estate crash. Then the stock market crash. Apparently credit card companies are next in line. And as couples struggle to deal with the overwhelming financial issues, their relationships are struggling as well.
2. Divorce in your DNA.
It's bad enough that you have to overcome the grief of divorce, but what if it is hard wired into your genes? A study this year showed that some men may be more prone to divorce than others. The culprit? Their DNA. Unfortunately, there's not much anyone can do about it. "There are ...many different factors influencing how happy people are in their relationship and the gene variant ...will make a very small part of these factors," said the researcher who studied the issue.
3. Sue your Ex for STD.
He cheated. You showed him the door. Only later do you discover he gave you a lifelong gift on his way out -- a sexually transmitted disease. What can you do? Take him to court. Legal experts say some partners are making their spouses pay by suing them in civil court. It is, after all, the American way.
4. Share your Divorce story on YouTube.
Want to get back at your ex? You can try the same stunt pulled by Tricia Walsh Smith. She aired her divorce laundry on YouTube. Others have tried blogging about their ex-spouses. The video didn't help Walsh's case, but she certainly got a lot of feedback. She's parlayed her new-found fame into a music video, which is even worse than her first go-round.
5. The Cancer Made Me Do It.
This story falls under the category of "Pathetic Excuse of the Year." With his wife in remission from her battle with breast cancer, former North Carolina senator and presidential candidate John Edwards admitted on national television that he cheated on her while stumping for the nation's top office. One excuse played out in the public: the stress of sickness can make one act out of character. Ick.
6. Trend: Dump your Wife for a Facebook Friend.
With everyone jumping onto the social networking bandwagon, it should have been easier to spot the newest trend. Forget online dating. These days, spouses are hooking up with their high school honeys and dumping their wives for their long-lost flames. Whoever said you can't go back?
7. Getting Divorce? Get a Ring.
When you break up with a spouse, one question people often ask is, "What do I do with my ring?" There are still a number of options -- sell it, give it away, pawn it on a web site just for this purpose. And after the divorce, feel free to buy a ring that marks your new status. Yep, a divorce ring. So in addition to all the health forms (single, married, divorced -- check), you can advertise your marital mess right there on your finger.
8. Some People Announce their Weddings, Others their Divorces.
So how do you tell folks that you've kicked out your marital roommate? Forget the subtle holiday cards with your new return address and maiden name. These days, the hottest trend is a divorce announcement, followed promptly by a party. Think of it as an engagement party, except for singles. Lost your toaster, ask for a new one. You can even register. Who knew?
9. Baby Girl First, Divorce Next.
Here's a study that makes you wonder if gender equity is possible in America. Researchers discovered that married couples whose first child is a girl have a greater risk of divorce than those with boys. The risk is very slight, but it does make you wonder.
10. Most People Have Faith in Marriage.
To end this list on an uplifting note, here's a poll that warms your heart. The U.S. divorce rate is more than 40 percent. Second marriages have an even higher risk. But a Roper poll shows that most divorced Americans believe in the institution of marriage, even if their own relationship wasn't successful.
It just goes to show you -- a little faith goes a long way.
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
10 Top Stories for 2008
This month, our web site, divorce360, marks the end of its first full year.
In 12 months, we've launched the site, redesigned channels and focus pages, improved our search engine optimization and added everything from a business directory to a social networking area.
In many ways, working for a web start up is very much like my old job as a newspaper editor. Thing change daily, and you never stop trying to make it better for readers/users.
To celebrate our first year, we examined traffic and arrived at a list of top stories, blogs and community advice on the site.
Along those lines, I've put together some of the more interesting stories we've published on the site this last year.
1. Facebook Has Potential to Serve Divorce Papers.
The Internet has given us a whole new way to interact with people. Beyond digital copyright law, there are other legal ramifications. Using social networking to serve legal documents might be a new -- and gray -- are of law, but it's coming, as our recent story can attest.
2. Two First-Borns? Bad Match. Birth Order Can Help Marriage.
Studies have shown that birth order makes a difference in how you see the world, but how you see your spouse? Apparently so. There is strong connection between birth order and divorce rates,” explained John Curtis, Ph. D. and former family counselor turned management consultant and author. The most successful marriages -- "the oldest sister of brothers marries the youngest brother of sisters.”
3. How You Sleep Hints at your Feelings about Marriage
Want to check if your partner is really happy? Consider the way you and your spouse sleep at night. Do you snuggle up against each other in a spoon? Then you're very comfortable together. Do you hook legs? You're great friends. "The way partners share a bed says a huge amount how much they really like each other, trust and feel safe with each other," says Dr. Mark Goulston of the University of California. "Analyzing sleep positions can highlight trouble spots they may not even be aware of."
4. Recession Hurts Divorce Settlements.
It's hard enough to deal with the emotional issues when you and your partner decide to split. But when the recession causes financial ones, how can it be any tougher? First the recession was hurting divorce settlements as they were being negotiated. Then, because of the financial crash, job losses and the mortgage crisis, couples began returning to court to renegotiate the settlements they had.
5. Baseball Can Save your Marriage
Want to save your marriage? Try going to a baseball game. Okay, it's a little more complicated than that, but not much. Essentially, here's a study that says if you share a hobby or pastime with your spouse, you're more likely to maintain your relationship. It's kind of a no-brainer when you think about it.
6. Older Couples Divorcing to Save their Retirement
One of the saddest stories this year is about older couples having to make the tough decision to divorce so that the sick spouse doesn't run down the financials for the well one. Couple that with the tough economy, and this may become an even bigger problem.
7. Men Don't Understand the Cost of Cheating.
If you didn't know about this study, the story about former presidential candidate John Edwards teaches this harsh lesson. Here's a guy with everything, and he chucks it all -- including his chance on the national political stage -- for a younger blond. This study shows you why: Men just don't get what cheating will cost them.
8. Hurricanes, Natural Disasters, Can Cause Divorce
As if the news isn't bad enough these days, here's proof that hurricanes -- or any natural disaster -- can cause such a strain on a marriage that it can put it over the edge. But it doesn't have to end that way. Dr. Gilda Carle, Ph.D., relationship expert and Suddenly Single advice columnist for Match.com, suggests that the outcome depends on the couple, “Sometimes, a crisis or disaster can bring a couple closer together as they recognize what’s really important in life."
9. Many Couples Start New Year with Divorce.
Most people want to lose a few pounds in the new year, but some folks want to get rid of a whole person. Apparently January is a big month for divorce, particularly for couples with youngsters. They make it through the holidays and announce their uncoupling just after the new year.
10. Office Affairs on the Rise.
Apparently men and women working together can cause a number of issues -- including this one, a rise in the number of affairs at the office. "You have a common focus and lots of opportunity to get to know each other ... ,” said Tina Tessina, author of "Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage (Adams Media 2008)." “You are together, working on something. It has nothing to do with a personal relationship at all. It’s a pseudo intimacy.”
In 12 months, we've launched the site, redesigned channels and focus pages, improved our search engine optimization and added everything from a business directory to a social networking area.
In many ways, working for a web start up is very much like my old job as a newspaper editor. Thing change daily, and you never stop trying to make it better for readers/users.
To celebrate our first year, we examined traffic and arrived at a list of top stories, blogs and community advice on the site.
Along those lines, I've put together some of the more interesting stories we've published on the site this last year.
1. Facebook Has Potential to Serve Divorce Papers.
The Internet has given us a whole new way to interact with people. Beyond digital copyright law, there are other legal ramifications. Using social networking to serve legal documents might be a new -- and gray -- are of law, but it's coming, as our recent story can attest.
2. Two First-Borns? Bad Match. Birth Order Can Help Marriage.
Studies have shown that birth order makes a difference in how you see the world, but how you see your spouse? Apparently so. There is strong connection between birth order and divorce rates,” explained John Curtis, Ph. D. and former family counselor turned management consultant and author. The most successful marriages -- "the oldest sister of brothers marries the youngest brother of sisters.”
3. How You Sleep Hints at your Feelings about Marriage
Want to check if your partner is really happy? Consider the way you and your spouse sleep at night. Do you snuggle up against each other in a spoon? Then you're very comfortable together. Do you hook legs? You're great friends. "The way partners share a bed says a huge amount how much they really like each other, trust and feel safe with each other," says Dr. Mark Goulston of the University of California. "Analyzing sleep positions can highlight trouble spots they may not even be aware of."
4. Recession Hurts Divorce Settlements.
It's hard enough to deal with the emotional issues when you and your partner decide to split. But when the recession causes financial ones, how can it be any tougher? First the recession was hurting divorce settlements as they were being negotiated. Then, because of the financial crash, job losses and the mortgage crisis, couples began returning to court to renegotiate the settlements they had.
5. Baseball Can Save your Marriage
Want to save your marriage? Try going to a baseball game. Okay, it's a little more complicated than that, but not much. Essentially, here's a study that says if you share a hobby or pastime with your spouse, you're more likely to maintain your relationship. It's kind of a no-brainer when you think about it.
6. Older Couples Divorcing to Save their Retirement
One of the saddest stories this year is about older couples having to make the tough decision to divorce so that the sick spouse doesn't run down the financials for the well one. Couple that with the tough economy, and this may become an even bigger problem.
7. Men Don't Understand the Cost of Cheating.
If you didn't know about this study, the story about former presidential candidate John Edwards teaches this harsh lesson. Here's a guy with everything, and he chucks it all -- including his chance on the national political stage -- for a younger blond. This study shows you why: Men just don't get what cheating will cost them.
8. Hurricanes, Natural Disasters, Can Cause Divorce
As if the news isn't bad enough these days, here's proof that hurricanes -- or any natural disaster -- can cause such a strain on a marriage that it can put it over the edge. But it doesn't have to end that way. Dr. Gilda Carle, Ph.D., relationship expert and Suddenly Single advice columnist for Match.com, suggests that the outcome depends on the couple, “Sometimes, a crisis or disaster can bring a couple closer together as they recognize what’s really important in life."
9. Many Couples Start New Year with Divorce.
Most people want to lose a few pounds in the new year, but some folks want to get rid of a whole person. Apparently January is a big month for divorce, particularly for couples with youngsters. They make it through the holidays and announce their uncoupling just after the new year.
10. Office Affairs on the Rise.
Apparently men and women working together can cause a number of issues -- including this one, a rise in the number of affairs at the office. "You have a common focus and lots of opportunity to get to know each other ... ,” said Tina Tessina, author of "Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage (Adams Media 2008)." “You are together, working on something. It has nothing to do with a personal relationship at all. It’s a pseudo intimacy.”
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Links to the Marriage Calculator
What's success at an Internet start up company? When something from your site gets written about by lots of folks. If that's the case, the marriage calculator has hit a sweet spot.
Beyond links to a number of smaller blogs and web sites for television stations and newspapers, there are some pretty big dogs in the links.
If you haven't seen it, here are a few of the folks who have written about the calculator, which was put together for us by University of Pennsylvania's Betsey Stevenson, a Wharton assistant professor of business and economic.
Stevenson used statistics from the U.S. Census Bureau to help us with the marriage calculator, which can show you how many people who married at your same age with your same education level are now divorced. The widget also uses those figures to project five years from now how many more folks in your group will be divorced.
Here are some of the blogs and stories that have been written about the widget:
The New York Times
The Baltimore Sun
AOL
UPI
Marketwatch
Beyond links to a number of smaller blogs and web sites for television stations and newspapers, there are some pretty big dogs in the links.
If you haven't seen it, here are a few of the folks who have written about the calculator, which was put together for us by University of Pennsylvania's Betsey Stevenson, a Wharton assistant professor of business and economic.
Stevenson used statistics from the U.S. Census Bureau to help us with the marriage calculator, which can show you how many people who married at your same age with your same education level are now divorced. The widget also uses those figures to project five years from now how many more folks in your group will be divorced.
Here are some of the blogs and stories that have been written about the widget:
The New York Times
The Baltimore Sun
AOL
UPI
Marketwatch
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Marriage Calculator, Gannett layoffs and the NY Times
On the same day that Gannett began sending more journalists to the unemployment line, the Marriage Calculator we rolled out at divorce360.com began making the rounds. It was a bittersweet moment for a former newspaper editor who now works at an Internet start up.
As old friends were e-mailing me on facebook about who was being tapped to leave their newsrooms, the Marriage Calculator was pushing traffic on the site through the roof. We were inundated by new signups who wanted to become part of the site's community. One link to the calculator on walletpop.com was later moved to aol.com's welcome page. Another link from the New York Times Freakonomics blog added to the mix.
According to Google's hot trends for the day, marriage calculator, divorce360.com and divorce calculator were the top search terms -- in order of first to third. Those search terms ranked above: "Week 14 NFL power rankings", "Miley Cyrus Vanity Fair Photo", "the Gator Bowl" and "Britney Spears Good Morning America."
Before the day was over, I couldn't tell whether to laugh or cry. I did both. Someday perhaps journalism will see more days like the one we had yesterday on the site and fewer like the one faced by my former newspaper colleagues. I can only hope.
As old friends were e-mailing me on facebook about who was being tapped to leave their newsrooms, the Marriage Calculator was pushing traffic on the site through the roof. We were inundated by new signups who wanted to become part of the site's community. One link to the calculator on walletpop.com was later moved to aol.com's welcome page. Another link from the New York Times Freakonomics blog added to the mix.
According to Google's hot trends for the day, marriage calculator, divorce360.com and divorce calculator were the top search terms -- in order of first to third. Those search terms ranked above: "Week 14 NFL power rankings", "Miley Cyrus Vanity Fair Photo", "the Gator Bowl" and "Britney Spears Good Morning America."
Before the day was over, I couldn't tell whether to laugh or cry. I did both. Someday perhaps journalism will see more days like the one we had yesterday on the site and fewer like the one faced by my former newspaper colleagues. I can only hope.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Widget 101: What's a Widget? How Does it Work?
Earlier this week, I updated my facebook status with a note about putting the finishing status on a widget for the web site. A few moments later, a friend e-mailed this question: "What's a widget?"
A widget is a web-based tool that allows you to enter information into a database and get something in return. If you're buying an airline ticket, for instance, you're entering the information parameters -- the time frame in which you want to fly -- into a database, which in turn spits out the tickets that are available in that time frame for the area you want to visit.
We've been working with Betsey Stevenson, an associate professor of business and public policy at Wharton, who used U.S. Census information to put together a database. We call it The Marriage Calculator. The user answers some basic questions: the age they were at the time of their marriage, their education level and -- if you're a woman -- the number of children you have, and the database shares two statistics:
1. The number of people with similar backgrounds who got married and are now divorced.
2. The number of people like you who are likely to be divorced in five years. This uses historical Census data to predict what will happen in the future.
My last year in newspapers, I spent a lot of time managing database projects -- including about property values that got so much traffic it shut us down for a short time. While my boss wasn't exactly happy, I considered that a user success, if not a career-enhancing one.
The point of this widget is similar. Interest, traffic and users who keep coming back.
A widget is a web-based tool that allows you to enter information into a database and get something in return. If you're buying an airline ticket, for instance, you're entering the information parameters -- the time frame in which you want to fly -- into a database, which in turn spits out the tickets that are available in that time frame for the area you want to visit.
We've been working with Betsey Stevenson, an associate professor of business and public policy at Wharton, who used U.S. Census information to put together a database. We call it The Marriage Calculator. The user answers some basic questions: the age they were at the time of their marriage, their education level and -- if you're a woman -- the number of children you have, and the database shares two statistics:
1. The number of people with similar backgrounds who got married and are now divorced.
2. The number of people like you who are likely to be divorced in five years. This uses historical Census data to predict what will happen in the future.
My last year in newspapers, I spent a lot of time managing database projects -- including about property values that got so much traffic it shut us down for a short time. While my boss wasn't exactly happy, I considered that a user success, if not a career-enhancing one.
The point of this widget is similar. Interest, traffic and users who keep coming back.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Social Networking Highs
Some months ago, we added a social networking side to the web site, divorce360. You could post comments and upload a graphic image. But given the personal nature of the topic, the profiles were anonymous, unlike many of the other social networking sites on the web.
What we discovered was fascinating. People didn't just want to talk about their relationship struggles with one another. They engaged in lengthy intimate conversations, sharing the details of their lives in a place they felt safe. They commented on each other's blogs, offered advice and answered questions. And their comments were often two or three pages long.
Recently, we added a wall to each of the user's pages. If you use facebook, you know this is one of the easiest way to talk to a friend -- as long as you don't mind sharing your commentary with the world.
On our site, the wall has become an increasingly popular tool -- and an addition to the commentary. What users are doing is posting their comments first for everyone and then talking directly to the other person on their wall. Literally, they're posting twice about the same thing, even though both posts are public.
The theory in the room is that the anonymity on the site's community is allowing people to engage more deeply in conversation than they normally would if their profiles were public. In the meantime, the number of users and the user time is climbing. So there must be something to it.
What we discovered was fascinating. People didn't just want to talk about their relationship struggles with one another. They engaged in lengthy intimate conversations, sharing the details of their lives in a place they felt safe. They commented on each other's blogs, offered advice and answered questions. And their comments were often two or three pages long.
Recently, we added a wall to each of the user's pages. If you use facebook, you know this is one of the easiest way to talk to a friend -- as long as you don't mind sharing your commentary with the world.
On our site, the wall has become an increasingly popular tool -- and an addition to the commentary. What users are doing is posting their comments first for everyone and then talking directly to the other person on their wall. Literally, they're posting twice about the same thing, even though both posts are public.
The theory in the room is that the anonymity on the site's community is allowing people to engage more deeply in conversation than they normally would if their profiles were public. In the meantime, the number of users and the user time is climbing. So there must be something to it.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
On a Roll with Content Partnerships
Sometimes good stuff slips into our days and goes unnoticed until we wake up, mid-week from editing a bunch of stories and realize, wow, a sweeeet thang happened while I was buried under that pile. As a former print editor turned editor of an Internet startup, my translation of sweeeet thang would be:
1. Two days of having the same story on the msn.com home page.
2. And two days of two different stories on Woman's Day.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
CNN, Mark Goulston and D360
What makes my day as editor of an Internet startup? When CNN quotes a D360 expert for a follow-up on the Edwards affair.
Men and women both have affairs, but not necessarily for the same reasons, says Mark Goulston, M.D., a marriage expert at Divorce360.com and author of "The Six Secrets of a Lasting Relationship: How to Fall in Love Again -- and Stay There." While men often break their marriage vows for reasons that include ego, a need for adulation and sometimes narcissistic behavior, he says, women tend to be tempted for different reasons.
"Women more often fall in love [with someone else] to feel adored and with a promise of protection and to ease pain," Goulston explains.
Men and women both have affairs, but not necessarily for the same reasons, says Mark Goulston, M.D., a marriage expert at Divorce360.com and author of "The Six Secrets of a Lasting Relationship: How to Fall in Love Again -- and Stay There." While men often break their marriage vows for reasons that include ego, a need for adulation and sometimes narcissistic behavior, he says, women tend to be tempted for different reasons.
"Women more often fall in love [with someone else] to feel adored and with a promise of protection and to ease pain," Goulston explains.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Internet Startup Reaches 10,000 members
Less than a year into the life of our Internet startup, we reached the 10,000 mark today. That's 10,000 people who have signed up to become part of the community of divorce360.com, the Web site we launched in December 2007.
As a former newspaper editor who hasn't much background in the social networking, it's taken me a while to become facebooked, linkedin and twittering regularly. But all of those things are now part of a routine day. Who knew it would take a few months to become a social networking junkie. Based on what's happening on our site's community, I'm not the only one.
In January, reporter Kim Hart of The Washington Post wrote a story about a new trend -- "social-networking sites have popped up to cater to specific interests, backgrounds, professions and age groups." Our site was one of several niche content sites named in the article.
Today, Paula Sirois, vice president for marketing for our site, said: "It speaks to the overwhelming need to connect, relate and find help." I couldn't agree more.
As a former newspaper editor who hasn't much background in the social networking, it's taken me a while to become facebooked, linkedin and twittering regularly. But all of those things are now part of a routine day. Who knew it would take a few months to become a social networking junkie. Based on what's happening on our site's community, I'm not the only one.
In January, reporter Kim Hart of The Washington Post wrote a story about a new trend -- "social-networking sites have popped up to cater to specific interests, backgrounds, professions and age groups." Our site was one of several niche content sites named in the article.
Today, Paula Sirois, vice president for marketing for our site, said: "It speaks to the overwhelming need to connect, relate and find help." I couldn't agree more.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
PR Contest for an Internet Startup
Internet startups do things a little differently than traditional print products. Recently, we decided to try something a little unusual in the marketing department. We're working with Peter Shankman, an "entrepreneur, adventurist and CEO of The Geek Factory, a PR and marketing boutique firm in New York City."
He and our vp for marketing, Paula Sirois, came up with an interesting idea -- pitching to his clients an opportunity to do his job for us. Here's the pitch he sent out yesterday for those of you who might be interested in trying your hand:
So... It's Friday morning. Wanna win an Amazon Kindle? Here's the deal. One of my really fun clients, (They're all really fun...)Divorce360, is the ultimate social network for anyone dealing with divorce, going through a divorce, or coming out of a divorce. I've already gotten them some great press.
But can you do better?
"Do Peter's Job, because he's so busy sending out the freakin HAROs." Come up with a great promotion for Divorce360.com. Can be anything.
Basic rules: Has to be simple, legal, media worthy, and under $2,500. Email kindle@divorce360.com with your idea on how to promote the site. I'll pick a winner in a week or so, and if you win, we'll give you a Kindle, and pimp you and your company out to 20k or so people in an upcoming HARO. You don't have to implement the idea, just come up with it. Go have fun, win a Kindle. Again - DO NOT EMAIL ME - but kindle@divorce360.com.
Pitch lively!
He and our vp for marketing, Paula Sirois, came up with an interesting idea -- pitching to his clients an opportunity to do his job for us. Here's the pitch he sent out yesterday for those of you who might be interested in trying your hand:
So... It's Friday morning. Wanna win an Amazon Kindle? Here's the deal. One of my really fun clients, (They're all really fun...)Divorce360, is the ultimate social network for anyone dealing with divorce, going through a divorce, or coming out of a divorce. I've already gotten them some great press.
But can you do better?
"Do Peter's Job, because he's so busy sending out the freakin HAROs." Come up with a great promotion for Divorce360.com. Can be anything.
Basic rules: Has to be simple, legal, media worthy, and under $2,500. Email kindle@divorce360.com with your idea on how to promote the site. I'll pick a winner in a week or so, and if you win, we'll give you a Kindle, and pimp you and your company out to 20k or so people in an upcoming HARO. You don't have to implement the idea, just come up with it. Go have fun, win a Kindle. Again - DO NOT EMAIL ME - but kindle@divorce360.com.
Pitch lively!
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
About Life, Love and Junny Rios-Martinez
A note to readers: Normally, this blog is about my travels from newspaper to online journalism. Today's blog is a little more personal.
Sometimes things happen in life that change you forever. And you can never go back.
Today, the state of Florida executed a man it released early from prison in 1991. He was a convicted sex offender who had raped several boys along Florida's Space Coast. On April 18 of that same year, he kidnapped and raped his last victim -- 11-year-old Junny Omar Rios-Martinez. Then he killed the boy.
At the time, I was a police reporter covering the beat. And I knew that night when I went to talk to his parents for the story, something in my gut told me, this child was never coming home.
I never met Junny. At least not when he was alive.
But I got to know him, a little bit I would like to think, by talking to his family over the next 17 years. I spotted him in the quiet intelligence of the younger brother he left behind. Or the impish bravado of his tough-girl little sister. I found him in the laughter his older sisters shared like a secret language no one else knew.
But mostly, I found him in his parents struggle to keep their family from falling apart after the unimaginable became their reality -- the unspeakable their truth. These days, couples fall apart for something the courts call irreconcilable differences. But for Vicki and Junny Sr. that never happened.
Instead, over time, their loss became a gain of sorts, a harsh recognition that sometimes life is shorter than we think, that the tiny moments of the every day are the ones that really count the most in the end. And in that recognition, they found a strength that perhaps they didn't even know they had.
Over the years, Mark Dean Schwab has fought against his death sentence. On November 17, 2007, days after his execution was delayed again, I saw the Rios-Martinez family at a celebration to honor their son. It was held in a park that bears his name just a few blocks from the home where his parents still live. "This day is all about Junny," Vicki said, before she and her now grown children and her grandchildren released doves in his memory.
Some years ago, I wrote a column about courage that ran in the newspaper where I once worked. I wrote about Vicki and Junny Sr. and said that courage was "waking up every morning knowing that your son is dead and getting out of bed anyway."
Today, I know I was wrong.
Courage is more than that, really. It is in the deciding that, despite what has happened, you will do more than merely survive. You will choose to live -- and to love anyway.
Vicki and Junny Rios-Martinez did just that. And no one, not even Mark Dean Schwab, can ever take that away.
In memory of Junny Rios-Martinez: 5/16/79--4/18/91
Sometimes things happen in life that change you forever. And you can never go back.
Today, the state of Florida executed a man it released early from prison in 1991. He was a convicted sex offender who had raped several boys along Florida's Space Coast. On April 18 of that same year, he kidnapped and raped his last victim -- 11-year-old Junny Omar Rios-Martinez. Then he killed the boy.
At the time, I was a police reporter covering the beat. And I knew that night when I went to talk to his parents for the story, something in my gut told me, this child was never coming home.
I never met Junny. At least not when he was alive.
But I got to know him, a little bit I would like to think, by talking to his family over the next 17 years. I spotted him in the quiet intelligence of the younger brother he left behind. Or the impish bravado of his tough-girl little sister. I found him in the laughter his older sisters shared like a secret language no one else knew.
But mostly, I found him in his parents struggle to keep their family from falling apart after the unimaginable became their reality -- the unspeakable their truth. These days, couples fall apart for something the courts call irreconcilable differences. But for Vicki and Junny Sr. that never happened.
Instead, over time, their loss became a gain of sorts, a harsh recognition that sometimes life is shorter than we think, that the tiny moments of the every day are the ones that really count the most in the end. And in that recognition, they found a strength that perhaps they didn't even know they had.
Over the years, Mark Dean Schwab has fought against his death sentence. On November 17, 2007, days after his execution was delayed again, I saw the Rios-Martinez family at a celebration to honor their son. It was held in a park that bears his name just a few blocks from the home where his parents still live. "This day is all about Junny," Vicki said, before she and her now grown children and her grandchildren released doves in his memory.
Some years ago, I wrote a column about courage that ran in the newspaper where I once worked. I wrote about Vicki and Junny Sr. and said that courage was "waking up every morning knowing that your son is dead and getting out of bed anyway."
Today, I know I was wrong.
Courage is more than that, really. It is in the deciding that, despite what has happened, you will do more than merely survive. You will choose to live -- and to love anyway.
Vicki and Junny Rios-Martinez did just that. And no one, not even Mark Dean Schwab, can ever take that away.
In memory of Junny Rios-Martinez: 5/16/79--4/18/91
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Learning More about your Readers
I'm not a natural to online social networking. To be honest, I was always too busy to connect with people online when I'd rather do it in person.
After leaving my traditional newspaper job, I realized I needed to learn more about it. Even though many of my responsibilities in print had turned digital, there's something about joining an Internet startup that will force you into learning the details of something you only know on the surface.
Almost a year later, I'm facebooked, linkedin and twittering away. Aside from the connections and reconnections, both personal and professional, it's become even more important to me as a the content manager. I'm using the social networking part of our site, divorce360.com, as a way to assign stories that readers are talking about in groups, writing about on their journals or asking about in our polls.
Also based on my experiences, I've been involved in the discussions about how to improve the social networking part of the site. We eventually came up with an easy-to-use question and answer format that allows readers to share the details of their personal relationship story with their friends in the community.
Last week, after some weeks of editorial and technical tweaking, we rolled out the latest addition to the site. We sent out a link to the site addition in late-week e-mail to users, who have been filling them out ever since.
In addition to their story, the new page also gives users a chance to offer relationship tips to others, which we'll eventually cull to use in another form to enhance the site's content.
As I wrote in the e-mail introduction: "No matter where you are in your relationship, you can also offer advice to others about what you've learned so far. And you can read what others have learned along the way as well. By sharing your story, you can help yourself to move forward to a new and better place. And your story can help others do the same."
And isn't that part of what social networking is all about?
After leaving my traditional newspaper job, I realized I needed to learn more about it. Even though many of my responsibilities in print had turned digital, there's something about joining an Internet startup that will force you into learning the details of something you only know on the surface.
Almost a year later, I'm facebooked, linkedin and twittering away. Aside from the connections and reconnections, both personal and professional, it's become even more important to me as a the content manager. I'm using the social networking part of our site, divorce360.com, as a way to assign stories that readers are talking about in groups, writing about on their journals or asking about in our polls.
Also based on my experiences, I've been involved in the discussions about how to improve the social networking part of the site. We eventually came up with an easy-to-use question and answer format that allows readers to share the details of their personal relationship story with their friends in the community.
Last week, after some weeks of editorial and technical tweaking, we rolled out the latest addition to the site. We sent out a link to the site addition in late-week e-mail to users, who have been filling them out ever since.
In addition to their story, the new page also gives users a chance to offer relationship tips to others, which we'll eventually cull to use in another form to enhance the site's content.
As I wrote in the e-mail introduction: "No matter where you are in your relationship, you can also offer advice to others about what you've learned so far. And you can read what others have learned along the way as well. By sharing your story, you can help yourself to move forward to a new and better place. And your story can help others do the same."
And isn't that part of what social networking is all about?
Saturday, May 31, 2008
A Good Week at a Startup
What's the definition of a good week at a startup Internet company?
Several radio talk show interviews, an article in Adweek and a discussion with a major news company about distributing content from our Web site.
These are the days that you just know -- you're making a difference for the reader. And isn't that what good journalism is all about?
Several radio talk show interviews, an article in Adweek and a discussion with a major news company about distributing content from our Web site.
These are the days that you just know -- you're making a difference for the reader. And isn't that what good journalism is all about?
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
About Paul Simon, Divorce and Cinderella
I am divorced, and I don't talk about it often. Going through it was difficult enough, so why rehash? The closest I have come to describing what I felt are the words of a Paul Simon song on "Graceland." It goes something like, "Losing love is like a window in your heart. Everybody sees you're torn apart. Everybody feels the wind blow." While it's been almost 10 years since my own experience, I'm always amazed that I still occasionally feel "the wind blow."
Sometimes I think about the decisions I have made and wonder if they were the right ones, even though my gut tells me they were. The circuitousness of those decisions seem incredibly random today. I left Florida in the middle of a divorce to take a job at a newspaper so I could avoid hearing the sound of that wind. I returned to Florida to work for an Internet startup whose first site was focused on, you guessed it, divorce. Funny the way the world works. I'd call it serendipidy, except that implies a mood that's lighter than the circumstances.
I've been reading a book called, "Eat, Pray, Love," by Elizabeth Gilbert, which is, for some odd reason, connected to the other thoughts rambling through my brain. The book begins with her, weeping on the floor of a bathroom as she realizes her marriage isn't working anymore. So she gets divorced and gives up everything familiar to spend the next year searching for some meaning to it all -- through Italy, India and Indonesia, all places that seem like fine destinations to find some meaning.
Over the weekend, while I was preparing for the wedding of a friend who -- for years -- swore she'd never find the right partner, I came across this passage in the book. It was toward the end and it struck me as a pearl... "I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and then I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."
Given the number of conversations I've had with the site's sources and writers, media covering it and even the folks running it, the quote stuck with me. It made me wonder if this isn't the problem we all have. We want to believe the best about the people we love. But the truth is, they're human -- just like us. And sometimes that humanity isn't pretty or even fun. In fact, sometimes it's just dark and sad and incredibly exhausting.
But in the middle of that pain, we look for something meaningful, picking up and continuing down the road with no guarentee that we'll ever find it. Because the simple truth is that we want to be like Ms. Gilbert, whose book has a Cinderella-type ending, or like my friend, who despite what she said for so many years, got married this weekend to a man who adores her -- and vice versa.
I guess the meaning is as simple or as complicated as we make it. We all want the glass to be half full -- half full of joy, of peace, of love -- for the short time we're here, because it really never is as long as we think it will be.
And isn't that really the meaning after all?
Sometimes I think about the decisions I have made and wonder if they were the right ones, even though my gut tells me they were. The circuitousness of those decisions seem incredibly random today. I left Florida in the middle of a divorce to take a job at a newspaper so I could avoid hearing the sound of that wind. I returned to Florida to work for an Internet startup whose first site was focused on, you guessed it, divorce. Funny the way the world works. I'd call it serendipidy, except that implies a mood that's lighter than the circumstances.
I've been reading a book called, "Eat, Pray, Love," by Elizabeth Gilbert, which is, for some odd reason, connected to the other thoughts rambling through my brain. The book begins with her, weeping on the floor of a bathroom as she realizes her marriage isn't working anymore. So she gets divorced and gives up everything familiar to spend the next year searching for some meaning to it all -- through Italy, India and Indonesia, all places that seem like fine destinations to find some meaning.
Over the weekend, while I was preparing for the wedding of a friend who -- for years -- swore she'd never find the right partner, I came across this passage in the book. It was toward the end and it struck me as a pearl... "I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and then I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."
Given the number of conversations I've had with the site's sources and writers, media covering it and even the folks running it, the quote stuck with me. It made me wonder if this isn't the problem we all have. We want to believe the best about the people we love. But the truth is, they're human -- just like us. And sometimes that humanity isn't pretty or even fun. In fact, sometimes it's just dark and sad and incredibly exhausting.
But in the middle of that pain, we look for something meaningful, picking up and continuing down the road with no guarentee that we'll ever find it. Because the simple truth is that we want to be like Ms. Gilbert, whose book has a Cinderella-type ending, or like my friend, who despite what she said for so many years, got married this weekend to a man who adores her -- and vice versa.
I guess the meaning is as simple or as complicated as we make it. We all want the glass to be half full -- half full of joy, of peace, of love -- for the short time we're here, because it really never is as long as we think it will be.
And isn't that really the meaning after all?
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